All you need is Love.

What is love? Well if you know anything about me, you'd know I'd say that my definition of love is Jesus.

With that said, the Lover of my soul is okay with sharing me. At some point in this thing called life, I believe there is someone that was destined at the beginning of time especially made for me. Together for the rest of our lives and eternity, God willing. He might not be 6'3", tan as "The Situation", and stand outside my window singing me love songs; He is, however, the most important man in my life second to Jesus.

Dating. Why do we do it?


To get experience

                           Be in Love

                                              Get prepared and ready so when we find who we're supposed to spend forever with....

                                    we'll...know.




It's been a very interesting 19 years I've spent on this earth. I've had fun. I've been through Hell and it reminded me that Heaven is the right place for me. I guess you could say I've had a couple...flings. A two week relationship at 15. A 3 month I'mnotevensurewhatocallit at 17. The only thing I left those with we're funny stories. Did I get my heart broken? Absolutely not. Did I hold onto my purity because I knew those boys weren't worth my innocence. Yes. Dating seems so trivial to me in high school and if not emotionally mature, at any time in our lives. What's the point of dating?

"You get to know somebody." Wait...you don't know who you're dating? Not saying you need to know every detail of their lives. Wait. You just met him a month ago and you just want to "get to know him." Why? "To know what you want in future relationships." Oh okay, so you're planning on ending this. Very nice. I'm sure he/she will feel great when they realize they were just an experiment. Just a stepping stone to who they are really supposed to be with. This one is my favorite. "To get experience." What kind of experience? Physical experience? "Well...what if I don't know how to kiss?" "Be a good partner" "....have...s...e...x..." Well sweetie, I'm pretty sure you'll figure it out one way or another.

Why do we let ourselves break each other's heart. More often than not, we know our relationship is going to end. Your 16. Are you really going to stay together forever? Probably not. Sure you will learn something from this relationship. You'll learn that you just wasted your time and their time on a journey to a place you knew you'd end up at all along. The end.

Girls are a rare and interesting breed. We already have our cake, bridesmaids, flower arrangement, colors, veil, first dance song, and vows picked out...all we're waiting for is the groom. We try to find him in every guy we see. I'll be the first to admit I've seen a guy I've never seen before and will probably never see again pass me on the sidewalk and instantly see the rest of our lives together. "Wow we would make some pretty attractive babies." "He would go perfect with my dress..." I don't know why we do it, but that's a woman for you. Thinking 12 steps ahead

When people ask me about why I haven't dated or don't date it makes me laugh. Don't get me wrong on my crazy lady date rant you just read. I'm not against dating. In high school I didnt date. Why? Not because I'm some weird prude feminist who doesn't need a man to complete her[even though I dont]. I didn't date mostly  because I never really was put in the position to date.Sure I liked boys...a lot, but it just never was in the cards for me.Nobody asked me out. I barely got asked to prom my senior year. Did I feel set apart from everyone else at school because of this...you bet. But want to know the best part about being on the outside? You have the front row seat to "the inside". I watched friends and classmates dissipate in their relational turmoil. Wait...he cheated on her? They did WHAT? He broke my heart. She's such a slut.

Looking back at it all. Did I really need to be included in all of that? Definitely not. Did I really need to have sex with him, just to realize what I already knew. Did I need to find my security in a boy holding me and telling me he loved me then turning around and taking it back? Did I need emotional baggage? That would be a big no-no. While everyone else was busy trying to captivate the heart of the quarterback, my focus was set on giving my heart and soul to the Creator of the universe.

I'm  n i n e t e e n years old and I still don't know if I'm ready to enter the world of "dating". I'm not looking to date for a boyfriend. I'm dating for a husband. I know some guys will see this and say "woah there little lady, ahead of yourself much?" Nah. Because that boy who grew up and became a man. A man worthy of what my Savior created me to find will understand and God's hands will hold us together forever. Guarding my heart was a promise I not only made to myself and to God, but to my husband in question. I want Him to not be the product of failed relationships because I was so insecure that I just N E E D E D someone to tell me I was worth what Jesus already died for me to prove.

Take a good look at your relationship right now or ones you plan to have in the future. Can you look at them and say..."I can see myself marrying you". Really think about it. Don't let the person you are supposed to end up with carry all the baggage you emotionally bring in from past relationships. It's not fair to them or to you. You're worth more than that. You're worth dying for. So until you can find someone you can see spend the rest of your life with and is worth YOU dying for, maybe you need to reconsider your options.

Here Comes The Son.

My whole world was changed when I realized I had to give my life for the One I loved because He gave His life for the one He loved.

Light up the sky and show me you are with me.

If you read my blogs, I'm sure by now you realize that my relationship with my best friend and Savior is without a doubt the most important one for now and all of eternity. I plan on dedicating my life to showing His love. Whether that be screaming it loud for everyone to hear or simply being a friend to someone. This blog doesn't give me enough characters in the universe to explain my deep love for the Redeemer of my soul.

I'm not one of those believers who will try to convince you of what I believe in because I don't think you can force anyone to love something if they don't want to. My job on this Earth is to be a friend to anyone and everyone that gives me the chance. If by chance I'm asked what is the cause for my happiness and drive in life, I'll gladly tell them of the beautiful human who loved me enough to die for me.

So much is going on in my world right now. I have to physically remind myself that it will get better and that I don't need to worry. I have my support with me at all times and that worrying is just a down payment on something bad that hasn't happened yet. I wish I could just pour out everything going on right now, in depth, and out for everyone to hear, but I just can't do that at this point in my life.

I have a testimony. A path that I traveled on my road to Jesus. Keeping it all inside me, just God and I knowing, I thought was enough for me. Why is it anyone's business about my past, my tribulations, my pain, and my walk in faith. I don't think I ever felt the need to tell anyone because nobody ever asked. Until extremely recently. I hope to find another person that I am able to open up to and release all those feelings within my soul.Until I said it out loud for another human being to hear, I never really realized just how beautiful of a God I have to get me through all those things.We weren't meant to keep everything within us. I still need to get to that point of being able to share it again, but I know that I will never forget that night. I feel so blessed that I was able to share something as precious as my testimony with another person. It really is an extremely liberating experience for anyone who gets the chance to do it.

My family for the last 7 years.

Something I never saw coming has been placed on my heart rather recently. Ever since I could talk I knew I wanted to be a teacher. The idea of helping the next generation learn lessons and understand life was exactly what I've always wanted to do. Towards the end of high school I knew I still wanted to have that impact, but in a different way. I love performing. I don't know if I'm very good at it, but I sure love it. I wanted to be able to do what I loved while still giving that influence I had hoped for all the years before. In the last week, what I believe Jesus planned for me before the beginning of time, has been laid upon my heart.

As I glanced through the pages of the Northwest University catalog at my intended major of: Communications with a concentration in media studies and drama, wasn't what I felt was the right thing to leap into. I still love that part of my life. I want to incoporate that somehow, but I know that is definitely not what God intended for my life. After searching through all the other majors, one stuck out like a sore thumb to me: Youth Ministries. I have talked here and there with friends about how I would love somehow to be involved with youth ministries for the rest of my life, but nothing like this. After looking at the classes I would be taking and praying and thinking about it I realized that it is exactly what I want to do for the rest of my life...well at least until another curveball gets thrown my way! I get to be around people my age[right now], show them God loves them in a fun and exciting way they can understand, and absolutely love my job. The title of "Youth Pastor" still scares me.

Thank you Adam for being an amazing man of God.

Can I do it? Am I cut out for it? Can I really picture myself doing what Rick, Peter, and Adam have done for me over the last 7 years. Will my tattoo hinder me from this? Is this REALLY what Jesus wants for me? I feel like if it is meant to be, it's meant to be and I should stop worrying so much about all the little things. I'm so excited to see what school and this decision have in store for me. I feel like it will be a challenge, but I am SO ready.

Ending this now, because I could definitely go on forever, I just want to say a few things. From here on out I want to publicly express that I will do my best to be more of a person I would want to be around. I know in the past that things that I say and do put ideas of a person I know that I'm not in people's minds. I've been dealing this very magnified in the last few months and I don't want to be that person. If you have those thoughts of me in your head, please let me start new and be the person I was created to be, not the person I created in myself. Finally I ask for your prayer. With all that is going on right now I really need a few things: Jesus, friends, prayer, and support. I know there is absolutely no way I can handle all that I'm going through by myself.

Please Jesus, take on what I cant. Savior of my soul. My best friend. My eternity. Father.

Hold my hand and never let me go. I love you with my heart,soul, and mind.

You are, the universe. You are, everyone on earth.

All I need is You.

In your name I pray, amen.

Rain Rain Go Away.

This world is an extremely dark place. 

In constant overcast from the series of storms consuming our lives.

 A whole new world is traded when what is most important is not at the center.

It is 12:56am on Sunday September 11,2011. Ten years ago and six hours from now I was in a living room eating cOOOOOOOkie crisp and not watching Bob the Builder with the neighbor kids before just another day of 4th grade. There was seriously something wrong. What could be more important than Bob the Builder. Why was the news on? Wait...what. Something big just happened? Excuse me. My 9th birthday is in four days. This totally ruined my big day. Cool.

The biggest storm of our nation in recent times and people still can't seem to get the mud out of their clothes. The downpour outside just won't stop. It's gotten better, but continues to fall, drop by drop. For some of us, our loved ones were swept away by this terrible monsoon, while the rest of us sat in our homes and watched the weather channel showing the damage this storm had done to our beloved nation. And for some of us, we're still waiting for those people to come inside and get dry.


We all have so many storms that we go through. Some drench us to our core, creating crazy floods and intense winds. They seem like they'll never stop. We try to get through them by ourselves. We often forget that there is an umbrella. An umbrella to protect us when we need it most. The storm will pass in time but it's so much easier carrying that umbrella. It's there to help us through the storm. To protect us. To shelter us from the downpour and the ugly overcast going on outside our protective shell.

 When we realize we aren't waterproof and asking for help through this crazy and upsetting turmoil in our lives, we will not only get through the storm, but exit dry and beaming with the sunlight we had been kept from. Jesus is,was, and always will be your umbrella. The storm itself is unevitable, but how you choose to endure that storm is your decision.

In the storm, He reigns.

Matthew 8:23-27

Going Going Gone.

It's official. I am no longer a piece of Australian history. Not that I did anything history worthy for the country of Australia, but I sometimes liked to think so. I know the entire 40 day experience changed my whole world into something beautiful and new. I've never been as happy as I currently am. Well, lie. Currently I am sitting in the Salt Lake City International Airport awaiting the end of this crazy long journey. I'm not too stoked about life at the moment as I feel like I'm dying rather fastl, due to lack of sleep. I'll survive. I will survive. But really, I'm so incredibly happy. Not the kind of happy that makes the ends of your mouth turn up, but the kind that makes your heart feel. The kind of happiness you just cant describe to anyone else. You'd think after this entire ordeal my spirits would be crushed.

FALSE.

After all, I spent my whole life wanting to go, get out, make something of myself, do something wild and wonderful. The fact that I came home didn't ruin all those things I wanted. It in fact made all those immensely stronger. I wanted to go---I went. I wanted to get out---I did. I wanted to make something of myself---I feel as if I was reborn again. I wanted to do something wild and wonderful---if that's not exactly what this was, I'm so lost in my view of beauty.  I will never forget my 40 days laying on the beach, going through more emotions than I thought I had in me, realizing how much my loved ones meant to me, have a better understanding of my future and most importantly renewing my vows with the love of my life. It was a wake up call to so many things I just didn't care about. Being a nicer, optimistic, full of life type person. Something sick an twisted  inside of me keeps telling me to...work...out...two words I never thought I'd hear myself say. You know  something big had to happen.This was definitely the most excitingly crazy intense test of faith I've ever  had. I didn't even get to study.

Pop quiz on life. I'm pretty sure I passed. 

My Date with God

A whole new world openenes up when I met You.

So, I've been in this long term relationship for about seven years now. We've had our ups and downs, but when it comes down to it, we love each other to eternity and beyond. I finally found the One Man who could finish my thoughts before I could even think them, tell me I'm beautiful without saying a word, and make me fall in Love harder than I ever thought I could. Yesterday...we went on our very first date.

Sure, we have been in a relationship for quite some time, but never formally have we been on a date. Maybe that's why our relationship had those rocky times. We never took out specific times to reconnect, just the two of us. Alright, back to the good stuff. So it was yesterday, September 1, 2011. It was a beautiful, scorching winter day in the land of Joeys and old men in speedos( Thank God my man doesn't wear those). I had just got the best tan of my life. This day couldn't get any better, right? Wrong.

At that moment I was quite charmingly asked to spend some alone time with my Love. Of course I said yes. It was out first official date! This was so exciting! I went in the house, put my makeup on, hair up, got in my best clothes (j.biebs jacket) and we went to the park. He told me I was beautiful. He already knows how I feel about Him but I wanted to tell Him over and over again anyways. Oh oh oh, want to know more about Him?

Well not to brag or anything, BUT He is a Best Selling Author. I know right? Pretty impressive! He dances with me in the Storm and kisses me in the rain. He tells me everything will be okay no matter how I feel in that moment. He's a planner, always trying to tell me His plan and quite honestly, sometimes I just don't want to listen. He is pretty smart though. He can create everything out of nothing. It's quite miraculous. When I ask Him to be with me, He just is. I don't have to force him or try to earn His love.

He's a doctor. He heals those who need Him most. He loves my singing voice. I sing to Him often. I actually sang to Him on our date...out loud! If he didn't care who heard, why should I? It was about Him and I in that moment and I didn't care who heard. He has the best taste in music. I'm pretty sure Hillsong is our favorite :). He is the best advice giver and always knows the right things to say. He shows me that purity is the healthiest for my heart and constantly reminds me to guard it. He loves my tattoos. I know they say don't get tattoos for people you're in relationship with, but this is an exception!

He forgives me. He knows I mess up, but He loves me unconditionally anyways. There is nothing I have ever done, am doing , or will do that will make Him love me less. Oh! He also is a dad. He has tons of children! That's okay, it might take some patience on my end to love all of them as much as He does, but I'm working on it. He lets me see the beauty in life, even when it seems so ugly. He teaches me to love and not pass judgment. He gives me gifts. So many! The most precious gift He could ever give me was the gift of Grace. I knew then, just how much He really loved me. I know I don't have to be afraid of the darkness anymore because He will always carry the light to show me the way.

So, as we sat on that bench; we read, we sang, we walked, we talked, we just loved. On the playground in front of us I noticed there was graffitti all over it. It broke my heart and showed me just how much darkness there is in this world. Then I looked up and saw the most beautiful display of clouds painted across the sky. "ITS SO FLUFFFFFY". He has a sense of humor too. Thank God for that. I wish I could just share Him with the whole world. Lots of people just don't understand Him or want to understand Him.

I guess that makes sense. You can't really know someone unless you really invest your time into them. He can be intimidating, trust me I know. I never know if I say the right things to Him, live the way He thinks I should, or do what I know He wants me to do. But through all those technicalities there is love.

He is Love.