Renewed.

What is summer? What does it represent?

I thought it was a symbol of renewal. It seems we create these holidays or seasons to represent how different we vow to be. We get to our next renewal destination just to look behind us and see that they were nothing more than dead words. The one thing we vie for yet are terrified of: change.

Let's take a look into the past. 2010 was huge. I turned 18, did some things I'm truly ashamed of, the birth of my godson, graduated from high school, moved out of my parents house, and so much more. Well then came along 2011. Exceeded the hugeness of the prior year. Made a life for myself, lived outside my home,took a leap of faith, met a person that completely changed my life, jet set off to the opposite side of the world, got accepted to the school I'd been dreaming of for years, and losing my best friend. I truthfully thought not much could amount to the insanity and excitement of 2011, but I was in for a surprise. I forgot that I entered into a whole NU world.

While nothing as life changing as moving to Australia, the birth of a child, or graduating has happened, I believe the first half of this year is only a smidgen of what is to come. In the last six months I've become a person I have so much respect for and a person that I can't stand to be around. I've learned to stand up to myself. I still have a lot of standing to do. I don't think that many people, based on who I've shown myself to be, can truly respect me. They see the happy, slightly spastic, occasionally over-the-top, always has a comeback girl. While I love that part of me, I refuse to let that be the only part people see. Not to say that I'm not all those things, however, people see this as an excuse to take me for granted and person they can take advantage of. For the longest time I saw it as me choosing the higher road and that life wasn't worth wasting on silly fights. 

That's the problem I've had. I won't fight for my life. Why do we wait until we're dying to decide to live? I've been told recently that I'm not passionate about anything. When I heard this I was appalled. I feel like I'm full to the brim with passion. That's exactly the issue. I have just enough to let it sit at the top. What it's lacking is that one extra drop to send it over the edge, to take it into action. What I've realized about myself is that I have so many ideas, so much love to give, so much passion for life and for what I believe in, yet it all stays within me. 

So here I am. Here I am at the intersection of comfortability and movement. I've been on the road of comfortability for far too long. I have to know that as soon as I turn, there is no going back.  I can't look back at these resolutions I decided to make on a lazy Sunday night out of over-thinking and boredom. This is more serious than almost anything I've ever chosen. I hear that speaking things in are more apt to happen. So, internet, here I go spilling my guts to you once again. 

Here is to the future. Start being something that keeps your dreams up at night.

Health: You are not taken serious enough. I vow to eat wiser, take care of you more generously, and stop making excuses. To the bag of hot cheetos I just so wonderfully consumed, see you never again. To the Taco Bell that was sitting in the back of my mind, Think Outside the Belly, because that's your new home. To my lovely workout enthusiast, this promise is on the internet, so therefore official. Don't let me get out of it. Work me up to a place that I won't need your push, so don't push me too hard too qiuckly. Body, get ready to be a lean mean fightin' machine.

Friendships: The second most important piece of the puzzle of my life. This has two parts. You and I. As for me, I promise to remember that I'm not the only person in your life. I'm sorry for being selfish and know that it's only because I love you. I will continue to let you know how important you are to me and that I'll be here unconditionally. You can't get rid of me that quickly. Then there is the other half of this whole relationship, you. Whether I mean the world to you or am a quick hello, do not take me for granted. While I will be here whether you are or not, do not take that as a sign to keep me on the backburner of your life, it hurts. While I might not be your first option, don't make me feel like your last. 

Love: After transitioning out of a short, yet educational first legitimate relationship I've had I have a very clear picture of what I'm looking for in the future. Remember, that differences are needed. You shouldn't fall in love with someone exactly like you, chances are you might in turn find out you truly resent certain aspects of yourself. Find someone that is so deeply immersed in the love of Christ, yet can make you laugh, not only tolerates, but encourages your silliness. Do not, by any means, settle for less than what you believe in. Don't be shy to the fact that what you want is a future. You are entering into the age of real adulthood and know that while you can't expect the next one to be THE one, be able to see the promise of potential.

Faith: God knows I've been struggling. Bible, what is that? Church, where is that? Praying, how do I do that? While I have daily talks to myself about how much I know God loves me and there is no lack of the foundation of my relationship with Christ, I'm being a very neglectful piece of this love story. It has to stop. It's not only about the acknowledgement of what He does for me, does in me, and does without me even being aware. I'm a part of this as well. I need to stop asking and start giving. Read my bible, not out of routine, but out of awe of the sweet words my Love has prepared for me. Small group, not to just meet people and have something to do on any given night, but because I want to remain in fellowship and grow in my Love for You. Praying. Stop looking at it as a speech. Just talk to Him. He is listening. He can understand exactly what you're saying no matter how you choose to articulate it. Fall in Love again.

While I could sit here all day and say thing I could and should be doing, I'm going to stop and actually do what I've spent an entire essay trying to convey. Change is good. Difference is good. Do it for the right reasons. Think about what means the most to you and pursue it. Life is short, you only live once. YOLO the junk out of life. Take the path you've been given stop walking, run. Run until you can't run anymore, let Him pick you back up and keep running. I believe in you. He believes in you. It's time for you to believe in you.

Go.