The Stand.

It's been quite the week. So much has happened. The majority of it took place in my mind. I've felt such

joy

terror

 annoyance

sadness

weakness

but most of all, love.

 

The years, months, and days leading up to this journey have been played up in my head to create this imagery of perfection and pure happiness. I didn't take into account how reality might play out. I didn't think about the actuality of how I would react to such a new environment, financial confusion, lonliness, and fear of the unknown. I would tell myself, "Hannah, your faith will guide you through this. There is nothing to worry about." While this is true, we were made with these things called feelings and fears. 

My lovelies. Kenzie and Jordy :)

I found out a week before I left that I had not been placed with a new roommate, since the falling through of my original one. As I finally arrived at what had become my personal Disneyland, the happiest place on Earth that I could imagine, it hit me. I was really here. This was reality now. As I was filling out a housing form I saw a girl and her mom sitting on the couch next to me, also filling theirs out. I looked up a few times and thought, my word that girl is pretty...and...I really need to go shopping. She looked like so much fun and oh so classy! We then looked at our forms and both noticed something quite pecuiliar...our room numbers seemed to be a perfect match. Are you kidding me? YES! SCORE! I was absolutely delighted. Definitely a "Praise the Lord" moment. 

My incredible new friends! Lalo,Kenzie,Gilbert,Jordy. Love them!

While lots of people would rejoice in the fact of having no roommate, I detested the idea. I prayed so much that they would find me a placement. Needless to say, we were both excited and immediately hit it off. For the last week or so we have been absolutely inseparable. She is one of those people that completely captures the room even before she walks in. At times I felt in her shadow and really believed that I was going to be stuck there all semester. Once I realized that it as my insecurity and not her fault I was able to have peace and start becoming myself again. I've made tons of new friends! I'm sure they aren't quite sure whether to think I'm funny or crazy. It's a question I ask myself everyday. I love who I've been created to be because I've learned to trust my Creator.

This has definitely been the most insecure week of my life. I've felt emotions I didn't know I had.  While at first I viewed this insecurity as a bad thing it led me to something, someONE who is always there for me. Jesus has been blowing my mind this week. Every Monday night there is an hour long worship session called Pursuit and it is something I have been unknowingly searching for. You can worship anywhere, however, my love language is quality time. Quality time with Jesus and people loving Jesus is one of the coolest feelings imaginable. I also was put outside my comfort zone. God was persistent on one thing that night, he kept saying "SPEAK TO ME. SHOUT OUT TO ME". I thought to myself, I am! "NO! Talk to me! Let me hear your voice!" I have issues praying aloud. I tend to proofread my prayer as I'm saying it and it becomes more about the delievery, rather than truly speaking to Jesus.

In that moment I opened my mouth and I talked. I spoke to Him. I told Him my heart. I told Him I loved Him. I thanked Him for the friends new and old that I've been blessed with. I prayed to be challenged this semester and beyond. 

I've been at one church for 7 1/2 years. It's all I've known. I haven't ventured out and challenged myself. I haven't let myself out of fear of not being able to handle it. I felt like I couldn't do this whole "Jesus thing" like those people I looked up to. Jesus isn't cookie cutter. He can't be put into a syllabus. I pray everyday and would appreciate if you prayed that Jesus would consume my life this semester. Pray for challenge. Pray for growth. 

I will stand every day.

Arms high and heart abandoned

in AWE of the one who gave it all.

Stand up and be the Jesus people can see. Lift your arms up as to let Him pick you up and feel the embrace of His endless and unfailing love. Let your heart be abandoned to let Him occupy it. Stand in awe as you recall the most beautiful thing anyone has and will ever do for you. Remember that you were made for a purpose. A purpose so unimaginable and beautiful that Death will never be able to hold you down.

You are loved.