Silence Is Deadly.

The power of a secret could be the deciding factor between life or death. 

What is the purpose of a secret? Why do we hold things in so much? Why is it so hard for us to be honest with each other? Everyone has a secret so why is it such a big deal? Everyone does what everyone else is doing anyway.

You may have heard of the brilliant idea by a man named Frank Warren called PostSecret. It is an outlet to those who have nowhere else to go with these things they bottle in. How it works is you write down your secret in any way you'd like to and mail it to the address they provide for you. I was just reading some of them and while some are funny, others are sexual, haunting, beautiful, and some extremely intense. It made me think how many thousands and thousands of secrets are being kept even by my friends. No matter what anyone will tell you at face value, everyone has something they would rather keep locked inside.

The reasons for this could be endless. They are scared people will judge them. They are scared people might not treat them the same. They are scared they can lose their job, their family, friends, even God. In the last years I have lost count of the amount of suicides I've heard of. It's heartbreaking to know that those people didn't have someone to reach out to because they were too frightened. What was scaring them to the point of death? Was it that they were getting picked on at school? Maybe they were addicted to painkillers and they didn't know the next step. Maybe it was stress from school, parents, standard of perfection, lack of love.

Why can't we be honest and transparent about what we have/are going through? Why is it so hard to love each other through the good and the bad? Who will be your friends through it all? It's quite interesting. I've told a few people the things I've been through, or at least pieces. I refuse to sit here and lie to myself and the world.

How can anyone know how far we've come until they've seen where we've been?

So here I am. On the internet. About to tell you my secrets. I have no idea who reads this, cares about this, or will find me offensive or think of me differently after this. I refuse to let myself cower away from the truth.The only person I should have to worry about judging me is God and I know fully that is not how He does things. He keeps no record of wrongs so why should anyone else. Well here it goes...

One time I finished a homework assignment 3 weeks after it was due and put it under the teacher's desk like he accidentally dropped it......I got an A on that assignment.

Since I started working at Taco Bell it's all that I eat.

I peed my bed and my pants off and on until 5th grade.

I have been drunk one time in my life...and I threw up on someone.

I've stolen something from a store.

Sometimes I can't stand the fact that I can't see God

I know so many people yet I always feel so alone.

 At one point in my life I believed I was in love with one of my guy friends.

I have told myself that the reason I've never had a boyfriend isn't because I am not pretty, funny, smart, worth it, or because I talk too much....but because I've made myself become one of the 'bros'. And at times I really wonder if there is anyone out there for me.

I'm going to a Christian school and I'm scared of not fitting in.

I'm nervous about being judged for my tattoo

 and that those who attend won't show

the same Grace as

they preach

about.

I feel like the "last resort" friend. The friend that people remember when they've run out of options.

When I was five years old I was molested. I never told anyone.
I thought for the longest time that it was a

dream and that I was making it up.
I didn't understand what it meant or that it was wrong.
As I've grown up, I've felt like I have grown stronger because of it

so I didn't feel the need for it to be made a big deal.

 In the last few months I went to Australia, fell apart there, gained my faith back in abundance,
moved in with my best friend, lost her and my Godson due to something ridiculous,
got accepted to the school of my dreams, lost friends, and sometimes don't know
why I've had to go through so much bad. That I've been focusing so
much on God that I feel like He should bless me, like I
somehow deserve it.

I really thought my [ex]best friend and I would be best friends forever.

MY biggest fear is dying before getting married and having children.

I feel that God has called me into the field of youth ministries

and I am on the path towards becoming a youth pastor

but I feel like so many people are judging

me. I don't think some people take

my relationship with God seriously

or my ambitions.Sometimes I am

even doubting if I'll be able 

to Carry the Call. It 

scares me so much.

It makes me sad that I give so much love to people and all they can focus

on is the bad or weird in me.

I'm one of the easiest people to make fun of and 

while it really doesn't affect me most of

the time, I wish people would

treat me nicer.

ometimes I get really jealous that other girls can put together an outfit with their eyes closed and I take so much time trying to get ready in the morning and they still look perfect.

I get nervous praying out loud because I feel like

I'm critiquing what I say and thinking

too much about it rather than 

Letting Go

and

Letting God.

These are just some of the things I have had bottled inside of me. I urge you to tell someone your secrets. Feel free to share yours with me anonymously or publicly. Check out the postsecret online. Don't be so afraid of what people will think of you.  Jesus was ridiculed throughout His life and He felt peace with it and still loved all those who beat and bruised Him, physically and emotionally. I don't assume that everyone reading this will be okay with any of the above. Some might laugh, others concerned, others cry. I don't have a clue. I just refuse to be the girl who was too scared to share that I had to take my life to prove to people that I am someone worth loving and worth knowing. This isn't me being WEAK. This is me being strong enough to understand how beautiful life is. Please never feel like you aren't worth it. You were worth the ultimate sacrifice. He died so you would live. Never take that for granted. I might not know you but I love you. I've never seen you, yet I feel for you. Encourage each other. Love you all.