You know those awkward moments we all go through. Oh wait, I believe the word is life.
Life is full of awkwardness. We don't know what we're doing or why we're doing it most of the time. In the moment everything usually makes sense. It's not until we reflect back and realize how the situation, in reality, panned out and what we could have done differently.
Time machines do not exist and we can't take back something once we've entered it into the the world. I just lost my best friend due to both of us having issues. I realize, looking back, that I should have not said things that I said. I shouldn't have gotten involved in the first place. Most of all I realize the damage is done and only time and a change of heart can mend what's been broken. Although sad, I am extremely content with where my life is right now.
It also helped me realize that I have a problem. I believe it's called word vomit. I tend to spew out things I wish I never said. I don't hear what comes out of my mouth or my keyboard for that matter sometimes. I have spent a lot of my time in life alone. At times I love it. However it has taken me to a place that I really need to work on. I tend to overthink when I'm alone. I daydream. I Facebook... I read too much into things. Oh he messaged me on Facebook. Wow...he's cute. At the rate this is going we're probably going to get married. I go from 0 to 60 in five seconds. I then tell all my closest friends everything I'm feeling...in extreme detail might I add. Like I said, I have word vomit. I can't help what I'm saying, it just comes out.
It gets really bad once I finally am interacting with real life human beings. I can hear my conscience telling me to shut my mouth and calm down, but my spastic brain is too busy thinking to listen. I've become so accustomed to being alone that when I finally get with people I have to release all that's been happening in my head. It's become more of a personality trait than I would like. I'm praying in this transition into my whole NU world can slowly cure me of word vomit. This sickness enables me to say things I probably shouldn't say. I sincerely hope that I'm able to truly start over in this new chapter of my life.
Although I know people at my new school, at times I wish I didn't. At times I wish I could truly start over. A clean slate. A place where nobody knows me. A place where nobody has pre-concieved notions of me. I don't know what is going on in anyone's minds and at times it can get extremely frustrating. Word vomit and social awkwardness is no longer in my future. Some things are just better left unsaid.
Don't just be another awkward moment.
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